5 Solutions to Help Solve Your Marriage Problems
(Even the Most Complicated Ones)
To say relationships are complex is a huge understatement. Relationships are more complex than most people give them credit for. The beginning of your marriage is dubbed “the honeymoon phase” because things are going so well it’s hard to comprehend the problems you’ll face.
You found this person, and you “click” so well that you’ve taken those precious vows to be bonded for life.
What could possibly go wrong?
Little by little, things seem different. You might not know exactly when your marriage problems started. Over time your life got busy, and you realized your marriage isn’t quite what it used to be. You’ve experienced major life events – moves, job changes, births of children, and deaths of close relatives. All of these events have changed how you react to the world around you.
Since many couples experience this, today we’ll talk about some common marriage problems and five easy solutions for you to try.
Most Common Marriage Problems
With over 20 years of experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve worked with thousands of couples. Some of the most common marriage problems are:
Maybe you and your spouse have different parenting styles. Or perhaps you have complex kids, and you don’t see eye to eye on how to parent them. You may feel like you’re the only one taking on parenting responsibilities. Parenting can be overwhelming, and dealing with any of these parenting issues can create tension in a marriage.
2. Poor communication
This may sound clichè, but a communication breakdown in a marriage can cause a lot of problems. Poor communication can cause you to feel emotionally neglected if you’re not getting your needs met. It can create a situation where one person is doing more of the household tasks. Poor communication can create a cycle of stress and arguments that ultimately creates more marriage problems.
3. Poor stress response
As you take on more responsibilities in life, it’s easy to react emotionally. If you’re struggling to cope with stress, it will carry over into all your relationships, especially your marriage. Later we’ll go over how to improve your stress response to help with your marriage problems.
Many people say infidelity is a marriage problem. And while that’s true, consider infidelity as a symptom of other marital problems. When you’ve reached the point of infidelity in your marriage, there’s no doubt you’re in a crisis that should be handled with care. But it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is over.
Nearly all of these problems (yes, even infidelity!) can be resolved if both people are committed to doing the work.
I’ve come to develop a unique perspective on marriage problems. I’ve discovered that most of the solutions are easier than you think, and they can create long-lasting change.
If you’re going through difficulties in your marriage, let’s discuss some solutions that can help.
Five Solutions for Your Marriage Problems
1.) Focus on yourself
As humans, we know we’re unique individuals, but we also crave connection to others. When in a marriage, it’s easy to think about the “we” more than “me.”
It’s important to talk to your spouse about problems, communicate effectively, and understand each other’s points of view. But at the end of the day, the only person you have 100% control over is yourself.
A simple way to work on your marriage problems is to focus on your growth as an individual. This is especially important if you’re the main caregiver for your family. Taking care of your spouse, children or aging parents can be so overwhelming you may feel like you’ve lost yourself.
If you can relate, ask yourself these questions:
- Is there a balance between caring for your own needs and your family’s needs?
- Do you think about your family’s thoughts, needs, and anxieties more than your own?1
If there isn’t a balance, what changes can you make to meet your needs?
When you meet your own needs first, you’ll decrease your stress and be able to take on your marriage problems with a calm, clear mindset.
2. Think about your reaction
The truth is, your reaction is probably bigger than the actual marriage problem. If it’s a big problem, you feel validated by giving a big response.
But ask yourself this: is your response helping to solve your marriage problems?
Think back to when you first got married. How did you solve problems? How did you handle disagreements?
If you compare that to how you handle them now, you probably notice a big difference.
Your life becomes full of more responsibilities, you have less time to focus on each other, and you feel stressed with all of your obligations and activities.
If you notice that you’re more emotionally reactive, you aren’t alone. This is a common marriage problem, but it also creates more issues if you don’t address it.
Step back and ask yourself one simple question: does this problem warrant this reaction?
If not, how can you respond in a calmer way?
3. Consider the whole family system
So often, we view marriage problems between two individuals. Addressing the whole family system is extremely important. This can be your immediate family and/or your extended family.
Think about how others affect your marriage.
- If you have children, what role do they play in the marriage?
- Is parenting a source of stress and disagreement with your spouse?
- Are extended family members a source of stress in your marriage?
When two people are in a relationship, conflict arises at some point. Sometimes other family members balance out the conflict, and other times they increase it.
Addressing the whole family system helps solve your marriage problems because each family member responds differently to other family members’ worry, pain, stress, and anxiety.
If you can find the sources of stress, you can come up with a plan to address it so that it doesn’t interfere with your marriage.
4. Seek counseling
Sometimes solving your marriage problems seems impossible. If you’ve tried on your own but you’re not making progress, you might need extra help from a qualified counselor. I recommend finding someone trained in marriage and family counseling.
Someone who’s trained in family systems theory can help because they’re equipped with the right tools and knowledge to help you think about the whole family system.
How each person behaves within the family system is crucial to the improvement and well-being of the marriage. Having an objective third party can help you quickly identify problematic patterns in a family and come up with a plan to address them.
Neurofeedback is not usually a tool people think about to help solve marriage problems, but it can help you respond better to stressful situations and help manage relationships.
If you’re new to neurofeedback, think about it as physical fitness for your brain. There are two types of neurofeedback, linear and non-linear.2 Non-linear neurofeedback, like Neuroptimal®, is an easy-to-use system that you can do at home.2
Neuroptimal® neurofeedback is a system that includes sensors to place on your head, along with a tablet loaded with software to monitor your brain’s electrical activity. When you’re ready to start, you’ll place the sensors on your head and connect them to the software. After that, you’ll sit back, listen to music or watch a movie.
When the sensors detect that your brain is in discomfort, there will be a brief pause. This pause brings you back to the present moment and allows your brain to correct the pattern that’s causing distress.3
Note: There is never any electricity going into your brain. It’s simply monitoring the electrical activity in your brain to alert you of any changes.
My husband and I went through difficulties parenting our complex kids. I began using Neuroptimal® neurofeedback and saw significant improvements in my physical and mental health. Our family saw an even greater impact when we started using it together.
I know firsthand the benefits neurofeedback can play in managing complex relationships. Let’s talk about how neurofeedback can specifically help manage marriage problems.
How Can Neurofeedback Help My Marriage?
Whole Family Neurofeedback was born out of the idea that everyone in the family can benefit from this advanced brain training system because the entire family system plays a role in how the family functions.
Over time, the interruptions in the brain patterns Neuroptimal® detects help your brain tune into a more calm, relaxed state.
So now you’re probably wondering, how does this help my marriage?
Neurofeedback can help with your marriage problems by bringing your attention to the automatic patterns you fall into.
When your brain is optimized, you can learn to react to stressful situations better.
Neurofeedback gives you a greater ability to pause, reflect, strategize, plan ahead, and have calmer discussions.
When you’re more thoughtful with your reactions, your marriage problems and relationships can improve.
- Laughing at something that you used to yell about
- Pausing instead of reacting
- Developing a broad perspective of your marriage
- Solving problems creatively
- Improving your sleep habits
- Having more energy
Neurofeedback can help with all of this.
When you become more flexible and resilient, it trickles down to your family, creating a happier, healthier family unit. And a healthier family unit means a happier, healthier marriage.
Want to learn more about neurofeedback?
Enter your email in the green box below to subscribe to our newsletter.
- Webinar: Affair Recovery. Miriam Bellamy and Kelly Matthews.
- Neurofeedback At Home. Whole Family Neurofeedback.2022.
- What Is Neurofeedback And It’s Benefits?. Whole Family Neurofeedback. 2022.